Obscured by reports of his demise last night, new information came to light that Osama bin-Laden was in fact a big fat baby. Renowned for his ability to remain hidden for a decade while legions of searchers combed the mountainous regions of Pakistan, bin-Laden was thought to be something of an invisible specter, living in rugged back-country and surviving with only the barest of necessities. However, informants privy to his movements and involved in the mission indicate he was a complainer and whiner who was often snippy with subordinates and at times quite grumpy.
Speaking through an interpreter, Haziz al-Mustafa, the sherpa and goat-herder credited with the tip that brought down bin-Laden, called the terrorist a "big fat baby that made me really mad sometimes. He was always complaining about something. What a schmuck. And he still owes me money."
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