Critics of the worldwide oil industry took note today as the Petroleum Trade Commision publicized its new guidlines for a "greener" approach to oil exploration, production, and distribution. Among the initiatives included in the multi-point plan were:
- increased off-shore drilling
- a loosening of environmental restrictions
- a 50% rise in federal tax subsidies for the industry
- an elimination of all past and future restrictions that might possibly impact the industry's ability to reap obscene profits almost unheard of in the history of the planet
When asked to comment on the plan and its ability to be "greener", Commission Chairman Horst Greaseblatt told reporters,"There will be many immediate and long-term benefits from the new program. First of all, increased drilling and production will enrage environmental groups, thus keeping them vigilant and keeping the issue before the public in the form of protests and public debate. A reduction in the taxes oil companies pay will free up much needed capital for research into new technologies that are already well-established and not at all in the interests of the industry. And if we can get the federal government to abolish the current restrictions on emissions and dumping, we can concentrate on increased bonuses and perks for oil company executives. This will put those at the top in a supremely good mood, and, as you know, a happy executive is an environmentally responsible executive. And we've made a commitment to repainting every oil rig, off-shore derrick and refinery a lovely green, brightening our country and, if I may say, our future for decades to come."
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