Failed Apopcalypse Brings Dissapointment

As last night passed without apocalypse, scores of fundamentalist Christians were disheartened by the continued existence of Earth, anticipating instead the "end times" that would bring earthquake, flood, and the total destruction of the human race.  Interpreting several Biblical passages that they deemed proof of the planet's demise, believers worldwide readied themselves to die only to be thwarted in the day's final hours as it became clear no final horror was imminent.

"It's just not fair," commented Horace Dipschitz, founder and pastor of the Rapture or Bust Evangelistic Crusaders Congregation in Chattanooga, Tennessee.  "We have all been planning for this for some time and I have to say it's a big let down."  His feelings were echoed by other congregation members who were stunned by the total lack of painful death by fire, crushed bodies, mutilated corpses, and the explosions and pyrotechnics expected by today's discerning Rapturists and action-hero moviegoers.  "It was going to be totally wack," offered Lindsay Umbrellard, a sixteen-year-old junior at Muncie High School in Chattanooga.  "And now, I'm going to have to study for that stupid French final on Monday.  This totally sucks."