Contrary to the commonly held belief that presidential hopeful Mitt Romney's recent remarks regarding the "47%" have been poorly received by those at the lower end of the economic spectrum, a Times-Newsweek poll now indicates quite the opposite. According to the 1, 058 people polled, an astounding 100% "Strongly Agree" that almost half of the nation's population pay no federal income tax and expect "handouts," as Governor Romney puts it.
The survey was conducted in New York City on Thursday, garnering the opinions of homeless streetpersons, stewbums, winos, junkies, and the mentally unbalanced. Jack "Night Train" Finnerty, a "resident" of Central Park, enthused over what he termed "the straight word" as he sipped his breakfast of rotgut gin from a discarded McDonald's coffee cup: "You know, the governor, he's right. Goddamn it, he's right! He's right! Real right!"
Janet Maslin, a former cocktail waitress who now resides in a unused refrigerator carton on the Lower East Side, said that Romney "understands the common person. His perception of the early twenty-first century zeitgeist is flawlessly accurate, and, what's more, he's extremely good looking."
Further evidence of support for the Republican nominee was offered by a street dweller known only as "Scrappy", a man of indeterminate age and piquant aroma, near the Times Square tourist area. "Zabbba zeeba, Ngggg im Allllufferna," he quipped as passersby deliberately avoided eye contact.
